Beyond the Basics
Puberty Changes Girls Experience That No One Talks About
Puberty is often talked about in terms of first periods, breast development, and growth spurts. But for girls around 16 and older, there are other common physical and emotional changes happening that rarely get discussed openly. These under-discussed changes can be confusing or even worrying if you don’t know they’re normal. In this article, we shine a light on three such changes explaining why they happen, why people don’t usually talk about them, and how to cope. We also offer practical tips and conversation starters for moms to help their daughters navigate these changes with confidence and support.
1. Vaginal Discharge and Vulva Changes
One bodily change that many teen girls notice often to their surprise is increased vaginal discharge and subtle changes in the vulva (the external genital area). About a year or so after breasts begin developing, girls typically start to see a clear, white, or yellowish discharge in their underwear. This can be alarming if you’ve never heard about it. Unlike periods or breast growth, vaginal discharge and changes in the labia (the “lips” around the vaginal opening) aren’t usually a topic in casual mother-daughter talks, likely because they’re considered more private or “taboo.” As a result, girls might worry something is wrong or feel too embarrassed to ask questions.
Why It Happens: Medically speaking, vaginal discharge is normal and even healthy. It’s your body’s way of keeping the vagina clean and balanced. The discharge is a mix of mucus and good bacteria that help flush out germs and maintain a healthy environment. Pediatric gynecologists note that discharge often begins at puberty due to rising estrogen levels, and it can vary in amount and consistency from girl to girl. You might have more on some days (for example, around ovulation) and less on others. As long as it’s clear or whitish and has only a mild odor, it’s usually nothing to worry about. In addition, the vulva itself goes through changes: the labia minora (inner lips) typically grow larger and may darken in color during puberty, due to hormonal effects. Just like every other body part, labia come in all sizes, shapes, and colors – all normal. It’s common for one side to be a bit different from the other, too.
Why It’s Not Talked About: Topics like vaginal discharge or labia appearance often carry a lot of stigma. Culturally, we tend to shy away from discussing female genitals except in the context of periods or reproduction. Many girls grow up hearing euphemisms for their private parts, or no talk about them at all, which can send the message that anything “down there” is dirty or secret. This means a totally normal change like discharge can feel embarrassing or shameful to mention. Likewise, because vulvas are rarely shown or discussed openly, a girl might think she’s abnormal if she notices her labia look “different” – when there’s a huge range of normal (one great resource, the Labia Library, shows how much vulvas can vary). This lack of conversation can leave teens feeling anxious or confused about their changing bodies.
How to Cope: First, know that having discharge is a sign of a healthy body. You do not need to “fix” it – it’s not a sign of poor hygiene. In fact, using harsh soaps or douches can upset the natural balance. Doctors recommend washing the vulva with warm water only (no perfumed soaps) to avoid irritation. Here are some tips to stay comfortable and confident with these changes:
- Keep clean and dry: Wear cotton or cotton-lined underwear, which allows the area to breathe. “Cotton absorbs moisture… Synthetics can trap moisture and cause irritation,” experts say. Change your underwear daily (or more often if you feel very damp) to stay fresh.
- Don’t douche or use scented products: Your vagina self-cleans with discharge, so you don’t need special washes. Douching or perfumed sprays can kill the good bacteria and lead to infections. Warm water is enough for the external area.
- Use liners if you want: If the discharge is heavy enough to wet your underwear and that bothers you, it’s okay to use thin panty liners. Just remember to change them often and choose unscented products. Some girls prefer this extra layer, while others don’t find it necessary – do what makes you comfortable.
- Know what’s not normal: Learn the signs of potential infection so you can tell the difference. A slight odor is normal, but a strong fishy or foul smell, yellow-green color, or itching/pain could mean something like a yeast or bacterial infection. If you notice those symptoms, see a doctor. Most likely, they’ll reassure you or give you simple treatment if needed.
For Moms: Opening the Conversation: It might feel awkward, but bringing up vaginal discharge and vulva changes with your daughter can spare her a lot of worry. Normalize the topic by using correct terms (vagina, vulva, discharge) calmly, which shows there’s nothing shameful about these body parts. For example, you might say, “Around this age, you may notice a clear or white discharge in your underwear – it’s totally normal. It’s how your body stays clean.” Emphasize that everyone with a vagina has discharge and that it usually means her body is working properly. You can mention that your own body went through it too, or that doctors say it’s expected in puberty. Encourage her to ask questions anytime. By tackling the subject head-on, you send the message that no part of her body is off-limits for discussion or somehow “gross.” This helps build trust – so if something ever is wrong, she won’t hesitate to come to you. And if she’s self-conscious about how her vulva looks, reassure her that just like people have different noses or ears, vulvas vary a lot and there’s no one “right” look. The goal is that she feels informed and normal, not alone or embarrassed.
2. Stretch Marks and Body Shape Changes
Another common change especially in the later teens is noticing stretch marks on the skin and general shifts in body shape (like filling out in new places). During early puberty, many girls hear about growing taller or getting curves. But few are warned that rapid growth and weight gain can leave faint scar lines called stretch marks, or that weight might first appear in the tummy area before redistributing. Because these topics touch on body image and weight (which can be sensitive), they tend to be glossed over in “puberty talks.” The result: a girl might feel freaked out or self-conscious when she spots pink or purplish streaks on her thighs, breasts, or hips, or when she gains a few pounds and can’t fit into last year’s jeans.
Why It Happens: In puberty, the body is growing faster than at any time since infancy – bones lengthen, organs expand, and yes, weight naturally increases. For girls, rising estrogen causes fat to be deposited in new areas as the body prepares for potential childbearing. Hips widen, breasts develop, and the distribution of weight shifts. It’s very normal (and healthy) for a teen girl to put on some extra pounds during puberty – in fact, doctors say this weight gain is necessary for normal menstrual cycles and overall development. Often, girls gain a bit of soft “baby fat” around the belly or look a little rounder at first, and this can cause unnecessary anxiety if they aren’t expecting it. The good news is, “this is part of normal development, and her body will redistribute the fat from the stomach and waist to the breasts and hips” as puberty progresses. In other words, that early teen belly pooch often gives way to a more defined waist and curvier hips with time.
Stretch marks are a direct result of rapid stretching of skin. If your body grows quickly in height or girth, the support fibers in the skin (like collagen) can tear slightly, leading to those linear marks. It’s very common for teens to get stretch marks during growth spurts or quick weight gain. They often show up on the breasts, thighs, hips, buttocks, or lower back – places where the body is expanding. Genetics plays a role too; if your mom got them, you might be more prone as well. Initially, stretch marks can look red, pink, purple, or brown, and a bit raised. Over time, they typically fade to a lighter, silvery color and become much less noticeable. Importantly, stretch marks don’t cause any health problems – they’re purely a cosmetic issue. But for image-conscious teens, discovering these marks can be distressing, especially since media and society rarely show them.
Why It’s Not Talked About: Weight and skin changes can be touchy subjects. Many parents worry that talking about weight gain might encourage an eating disorder or damage a girl’s self-esteem, so they stay silent. On the flip side, some parents themselves aren’t aware that pubertal weight gain is normal and might mistakenly urge diets (which is not recommended). Stretch marks are often associated with pregnancy or obesity in the public mind, so a 16-year-old with stretch marks might feel “abnormal” or embarrassed, not realizing how common they really are. Because these topics aren’t openly discussed, teens may only see the Photoshopped, stretch-mark-free bodies on Instagram and assume there’s something wrong with them. The reality: up to 7 in 10 adolescent girls get stretch marks as a natural part of growing, but you’d hardly know it from mainstream conversations.
How to Cope: The first step is understanding that changes in your body shape and even stretch marks are a normal part of puberty – not a flaw. Your body is doing exactly what it’s supposed to. Remind yourself that everyone grows at their own pace; some of your friends might still be lanky and others already curvy. By your late teens, most will have gone through similar changes. Here are some doctor-recommended ways to deal with stretch marks and body changes:
- Don’t panic about weight gain: Pediatricians emphasize that weight gain during puberty is physiologically normal and even needed. If you suddenly grew taller or your hips got wider, of course you might weigh more or go up a clothing size – that’s expected. Avoid crash dieting to try to stop this. “Avoid dieting to prevent normal weight gain during puberty. Dieting is unhealthy when you are growing,” advises the Mount Sinai Adolescent Health guide. In other words, focus on healthy eating and exercise for strength and well-being, but don’t try to fight or undo the natural weight increases that come with maturation.
- Care for your skin: Unfortunately, no over-the-counter cream or “miracle cure” can completely prevent or erase stretch marks – so don’t waste too much money on those. Dermatologists note that home remedies (cocoa butter, vitamin E, etc.) generally don’t make stretch marks disappear (though most won’t hurt your skin either). The marks will usually fade on their own over time. Keeping your skin moisturized can help with any itching or dryness as they form, and it may improve elasticity a bit (which might minimize severity, though this isn’t a guarantee). Prescription treatments like retinoid creams, laser therapy can help blend stretch marks into surrounding skin if they really bother you aesthetically. These are typically done by a dermatologist. However, such treatments are usually optional and often recommended only if someone is very self-conscious, since stretch marks pose no harm. It’s absolutely fine if you choose to just leave them be.
- Choose clothes that make you feel good: As your body shape shifts, you might need to update your wardrobe. This can actually boost your confidence – wearing comfortable, well-fitting clothes for your new shape (hello, curves!) is better than squeezing into old outfits that feel tight. Celebrate your new shape by finding styles you love, rather than hiding in baggy clothes out of shame. Remember, everybody is unique – some girls are slender, others athletic, others curvier – and all of these are normal and beautiful in their own way.
For Moms – Opening the Conversation: Addressing body shape and stretch marks with your teen can be delicate, but it’s important. Start by reinforcing that weight changes in puberty are expected and that numbers on a scale are not the best measure of health. If you notice your daughter worrying about “getting fat” or scrutinizing her body, gently share what the pediatrician says – that her body is doing what it needs to do, and early teen weight gain often evens out as she grows. Emphasize health over appearance: for example, talk about eating nutritious meals to fuel growth and getting active for fun and stress relief, not to burn calories. If she’s developed stretch marks, explain what they are (“little scars from growing fast”) and reassure her that they’re common in teens – you could even show her some of your own “tiger stripes” if you have them, which can be hugely reassuring. The key is to remove any shame or blame. Let her know stretch marks happen to many people (even celebrities and athletes – though they often airbrush them out) and that as she saw, they fade with time. Encourage positive body image by complimenting her strengths and talents rather than just her looks. Also, keep an eye out for any extreme body dissatisfaction or crash dieting, as these can be red flags for eating disorders. If you’re unsure how to handle the topic, consider involving her pediatrician or a nutritionist to talk about healthy development. By being open and supportive, you help your daughter build confidence in her changing body rather than viewing those changes as something to hide.
3. Mood Swings and Sexual Feelings
Perhaps the most under-discussed changes in a girl’s later teens are the intense emotional fluctuations and new sexual feelings that come with puberty’s hormonal rollercoaster. We’ve all heard the cliché of the “moody teenager,” but the depth and complexity of these emotional changes often don’t get enough serious attention. Girls going through puberty may experience wild mood swings, surges of anxiety or sadness, and for many, a sharp rise in sexual thoughts and desires. Unlike periods or acne, these changes don’t have obvious physical markers, so they can be easier for adults to downplay – yet they can be incredibly confusing for a teen. Many girls are left thinking “Is it just me?” when they start having private sexual feelings or when their emotional highs and lows become more pronounced.
Why It Happens (Emotional Side): The same hormones driving physical growth are also acting on the brain. Estrogen and progesterone, in particular, can have powerful mood effects. During puberty, hormonal levels are in flux, and the brain’s neurotransmitters are adjusting to these new chemicals. It’s normal for emotions to feel amplified – happiness can be over-the-moon one moment and irritation or tears can come crashing in the next. “Sometimes your emotions can be all over the place due to changing hormones,” explains one adolescent health resource. This can be bewildering: a teen might not understand why she snapped at her mom or why she suddenly feels down for no obvious reason. On top of hormones, teens are facing new social pressures, more school stress, and evolving identities, all of which can create a perfect storm for moodiness. Adolescence is a time of forming one’s identity and increased self-consciousness, which can make mood swings and insecurity more intense.
Most of the time, these emotional ups and downs – while unpleasant – are within the realm of normal. However, it’s worth noting that puberty can also unmask or trigger mental health issues in some individuals. Research shows that the hormonal changes in girls (especially estrogen) can increase the risk of depression during the teen years. Thus, while feeling moody or irritable before a period (PMS, anyone?) is common, persistent sadness, hopelessness, or anxiety that lasts more than a couple of weeks might signal something more serious than typical teen mood swings. Unfortunately, because teens are “expected” to be moody, adults sometimes miss signs of actual depression or anxiety disorders. It’s important to keep an eye on severity and duration of mood changes.
Why It Happens (Sexual Side): Puberty is also the stage when the body becomes biologically capable of reproduction – which means a big uptick in sex hormones. Testosterone (yes, girls have it in smaller amounts) and adrenal hormones, along with estrogen, contribute to a newfound sexual drive. Around mid-to-late puberty, many girls start to experience sexual curiosity, attraction, and even arousal in ways they hadn’t before. You might develop crushes that are more intense, have romantic or sexual fantasies, or feel physical sensations of arousal (like “butterflies” or genital tingling). Some may also discover masturbation as a source of relief or pleasure. It’s worth emphasizing: this is all normal. In fact, experts say that as puberty hormones kick in, “teens become much more interested in sex, sometimes to the point of obsession”. That strong pull is biologically driven – a “natural and powerful urge,” as one health guide puts it. Of course, the degree varies: some teens feel lots of sexual desire, others only a little, and some not at all (all of which are normal). But if you find yourself thinking about sex or intimacy frequently, rest assured you’re in good company with many of your peers.
Why It’s Not Talked About: While moodiness is often joked about, the true impact of these emotional swings isn’t always addressed. Teens themselves might feel they should just “deal with it,” and parents might dismiss moods as hormones without actually helping teens learn to cope. There’s still some stigma around mental health, which can make girls hesitant to admit they’re feeling consistently anxious or depressed. When it comes to sexual feelings, the silence is even louder. Culturally, there’s a long-standing double standard: people might wink about teenage boys having raging hormones, but acknowledging that teenage girls also experience sexual desire is often avoided. Some parents fear that talking about sexual feelings will encourage sexual behavior, or they simply feel embarrassed discussing it. As a result, many girls enter this stage unprepared – they might feel guilt or shame for having sexual thoughts (“Good girls don’t think about sex,” they may have been led to believe), or they get misinformation from peers and media. This lack of open dialogue can leave teens confused about what to do with these feelings, or how to handle peer pressure around sex, and it can strain mother-daughter communication at a crucial time.
How to Cope with Emotional Changes: Whether it’s mood swings or deeper emotional struggles, self-care and support are key. Here are some strategies that doctors and psychologists often recommend to ride the emotional rollercoaster a bit more smoothly:
- Prioritize sleep: It might sound simple, but getting enough rest is huge. Teens actually need around 8–10 hours of sleep for optimal mood and brain function. Lack of sleep can make irritability and sadness much worse. Maintaining a consistent sleep schedule (even if your internal clock now makes you a night owl) can help stabilize your mood.
- Stay active: Regular physical activity – whether it’s a sport, dance, biking or just walks with your dog – can do wonders for mood. Exercise releases endorphins (natural mood lifters) and can reduce stress. Pediatricians often suggest exercise as a healthy outlet for that pent-up teen energy and angst.
- Find healthy outlets for stress: When emotions run high, having a coping outlet is important. Many teens find relief in journaling, art, music, or talking to a friend. Relaxation techniques like mindfulness or meditation can also help you feel more centered. Even engaging in your favorite hobby (gaming, reading, baking – whatever you love) provides a break from overthinking and can recalibrate your mood. Figure out what activities help you calm down or cheer up, and make time for those.
- Know when to seek help: How do you tell normal moodiness from something more? Frequency and intensity are clues. Feeling up and down throughout a week is one thing; feeling hopeless every day for weeks is another. Mental health professionals advise that if you experience persistent sadness, excessive anxiety, withdrawing from friends, changes in eating or sleeping that last more than a couple of weeks, talk to a trusted adult or doctor. Therapy or counseling is not just for “adults” – it can be very helpful for teens struggling with depression, anxiety, or just overwhelming stress. There’s no shame in it. Think of it this way: if you had a persistent physical pain, you’d see a doctor; persistent emotional pain deserves the same attention.
How to Cope with Sexual Feelings: Handling new sexual urges can be tricky because unlike mood swings (which eventually pass), sexual curiosity tends to stick around as a normal part of life. Here are some tips:
- Educate yourself: Knowledge is power. Understanding the basics of sexuality – from how your reproductive system works to what it means to consent – can make you feel more in control. If you have questions you’re too shy to ask in person, there are reputable websites (Planned Parenthood, Scarleteen, etc.) that provide frank answers for teens. Remember, it’s natural to be curious.
- Set your boundaries: Just because you have sexual feelings doesn’t mean you’re ready to act on them. Everyone develops at their own pace emotionally. Think about your values and what you feel comfortable with. It’s perfectly okay to decide to wait on sexual activity until you feel truly ready (be that in a steady relationship, after high school, marriage, or whenever). On the flip side, if you do feel ready to explore some level of intimacy, make sure you’re equipped with knowledge about protection and consent – and that you’re not being pressured. Never rush due to peer pressure; those same peers won’t deal with the consequences you might face.
- Private outlet: Many teens (guys and girls alike) choose to masturbate as a safe way to satisfy sexual curiosity and tension. Despite taboos, masturbation is actually a normal, healthy behavior. Doctors confirm that “masturbation is normal and can be done at any age. There is no harm in it,” as long as it’s in a private setting. Masturbation can release sexual tension and even help you learn about your body. If you were raised to feel it’s dirty or wrong, it may help you to know that health experts encourage parents not to shame teens for it, since that can lead to issues with sexuality or self-esteem later. In short: it’s one option to cope with those urges without involving another person, and you should never feel guilty for it. If it’s not something you’re into, that’s fine too – there’s no “requirement” to masturbate. The key point is that any sexual feelings you have (or don’t have) are normal; everyone is different.
For Moms – Opening the Conversation: Communication is paramount during this stage, yet it can be challenging. To support your daughter emotionally, make sure she knows you’re there to listen without judgment. Often, teenage girls fear that bringing up feelings (especially sad or angry ones) will be dismissed. Avoid minimizing her emotions with phrases like “it’s just hormones” – even if hormones are involved, the feelings are very real to her. Instead, validate her experience: “I know it can feel intense; I’m here if you want to talk or need help.” Keep an eye out for signs of sustained depression or anxiety (such as isolation, drastic changes in appetite or sleep, persistent hopeless statements). If you notice those, gently suggest speaking to a counselor or doctor together. Knowing her mom takes mental health seriously gives a girl permission to take care of her own.
When it comes to sexual feelings and activity, it’s crucial to break the ice early. Your daughter will get information about sex from the internet, school, or friends, but she trusts info from you most (even if she doesn’t show it). Don’t wait for her to ask (she might not). Look for natural openings – for example, if a romance scene comes up in a show, or if her school starts sex-ed classes, use that as a springboard: “What do you think about what they taught? Do you have any questions about sex or relationships?” It might be awkward at first, but multiple small conversations are better than a big formal lecture. Make sure to cover the important stuff: consent, contraception, and your family values. Rather than just warning her about risks, discuss the emotional aspects too. For instance, talk about how being intimate with someone is a big deal emotionally, and why trust and respect matter. Also, be clear that she can always come to you if something happens – like if she needs birth control or if she’s feeling pressured – without fearing you’ll “freak out.”
A sensitive but vital topic is masturbation and privacy. It might make you blush, but consider mentioning it in a matter-of-fact way, such as: “If you have certain feelings, know that some people handle them by themselves in private – that’s completely normal. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. We just keep it private.” This simple acknowledgment can relieve her of potential guilt or confusion (she may have already encountered the topic through peers or media).
Finally, practice active listening during these talks. Ask her what she already knows or what she thinks and truly listen. The goal is a two-way conversation, not a one-sided sermon. If you don’t know an answer, be honest and maybe look it up together. By having open dialogues, you demystify these emotional and sexual changes and let your daughter know that no topic is too taboo to discuss. This not only helps her make safer, informed choices but also strengthens your relationship during the often turbulent teen years.
In conclusion, puberty isn’t just getting a period and growing taller – it’s a profound journey that includes many lesser-discussed physical and emotional changes. From new fluids and marks on our bodies to waves of feelings we don’t expect, these changes can be surprising. But being 16, 17, or 18 and experiencing them means you’re not alone – you’re normal. The more we talk about things like vaginal discharge, stretch marks, mood swings, and sexual feelings, the less scary and shameful they become. Accurate, honest information (backed by medical professionals) empowers girls to understand and embrace their bodies. And when mothers (or mother figures) create a safe space for these conversations, it builds trust that can last well beyond the teen years. Puberty is a challenging time, but with openness, education, and empathy, teenage girls and their moms can tackle even the “awkward” stuff together – coming out stronger and closer on the other side.
***This information does not replace medical advice, pls always seek a medical advice.
Sources: Available on request